“I felt girls in STEM were ugly and masculine”

#MyEsteemCampaign day 24.

I never knew I was so skinny, or maybe I didn’t pay much attention to it till my course mates started throwing it on my face at any slightest opportunity they got. I mean, I knew I wasn’t that good looking but adding being skinny to it was just a depressant for me. I am sure my course mates felt they were joking but to me, it didn’t feel like a joke, it got to me. I was tired of hearing how skinny I was every time. I knew I couldn’t really do anything about it as I found out much later that I had a high metabolism, and no matter how much food I ate, the food wouldn’t “stay’ in my body.

I developed a low self-esteem from what I felt people thought about me. I was in the sciences and I remembered how the guys in my class always said girls in our class weren’t good looking and that was why they choose sciences. Girls from other faculties were seen as beautiful and had all the things a man could desire but not the girls in my class. This made me feel I was ugly, and then I was reminded often that I was skinny.

Did I tell you I have always been intelligent right from the first stay I stepped my foot in a classroom? I was often first in my class and one would think that would bring people closer to me, but no it didn’t. People felt I proud when deep within, I was struggling with low self-esteem which was almost eating me up. One time, someone I had an argument with called me an HIV patient. That was the height of it. I kept looking at the mirror every minute to confirm if what she said to me was true.

I noticed my academics was gradually being affected as I lost Interest in school. Instead, I invested my time in looking for ways to gain weight. Google was my new friend, but if one would check my browser history, all you’d see would be “how to gain weight, foods to gain weight, exercises to gain weight, gaining weight fast, how to gain 10kg in one day”. I downloaded several videos on tips to gain weight and spent my spare time meant for my books doing exercises that yielded no results.

I finally came to the realisation that being ugly was only in my mind and I could choose my strengths over my seemingly weaknesses by being successful in my academics. I graduated as the best graduating student in my class beating over 500 students including those who talked bad about me.
Today, I am better, I no longer care if I gain weight or not as long as I am healthy and fine. I no longer get offended when people refer to my small frame. When people bring this up, I usually laugh with them and at them and when they see they couldn’t get me offended, they move on.

photo credit : newsadvance.com